she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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