I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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