we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My liver just broke up with me...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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