I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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