You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
