I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
