he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
