plz talk dirty to me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
