Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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