This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you never un-have a 4some
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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