anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
