In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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