Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
