I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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