I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
