WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
