My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
