you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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