My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
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Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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