i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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