she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
