We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
