Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
