My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
