....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
