I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
