I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
