I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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