get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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