rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i've created a new STD.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
