WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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