Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
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It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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