In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
In America we eat man semen.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
