So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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