Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
