His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
