whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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