sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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