he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There are leaves in my underwear?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
