Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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