Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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