you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My pussy is not your playground.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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