boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
