Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
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ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
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Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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