Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Someone signed my nipple.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
