so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
