She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
