3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
