We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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