You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
