I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
