i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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