They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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