SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
