Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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