it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Quick, to the slutcave!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
