we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
