While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
