I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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