i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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