i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
