btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
