i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
