Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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