kristin has been a bad kristin
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
