no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
