3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
