My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
