Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Your dad touched me again.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
