When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
