ADVERTISEMENT

• (662): View more from Mississippi

  I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He was trying to put me in handcuffs.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  You have my attention.

  Fav 25 2243 927

  share tweet
  

• (563): View more from Iowa

  My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood

  Fav 1 1457 1961

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (206): View more from Washington

  he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.

  Fav 22 869 4580

  share tweet
  

• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think college has really matured you.

  Fav 19 4848 946

  share tweet
  

• (863): View more from Florida

  It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.

  Fav 9 2681 1019

  share tweet
  

• (559): View more from California

  No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.

  Fav 13 903 1670

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (720): View more from Colorado

  Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love

  Fav 3 862 1115

  share tweet
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say

  Fav 15 780 1993

  share tweet
  

• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED

  Fav 5 755 480

  share tweet
  

• (361): View more from Texas

  Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.

  Fav 16 627 1022

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants

  Fav 2 821 502

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.

  Fav 3 486 587

  share tweet
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  Gay?

  (226): View more from Ontario

  German.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Pity.

  Fav 3 297 217

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Ontario

  But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.

  (1-905): View more from Ontario

  Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  But I want to be Keith.

  Fav 2 122 18

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (207): View more from Maine

  There's lube on my homework. #priorities

  Fav 1 43 9

  share tweet
  

Randomize