I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
