2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
