My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
