There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
