R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
