man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
