blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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