I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think my vagina is haunted
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
