You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
