chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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