Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
my poor anus
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
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