Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
